Scared to Frustrated

I will blog about Nate's Baptism soon, but I more emergently need to vent about the last 24 hours. Wednesday night Nate slept two four hour stretches for the first time ever and like any sleep-deprived new mom, my reaction was, "This is awesome". Then Thursday morning he vomited twice (not reflux spit-up but massive amounts of chunky cottage cheese-esque vomit), napped way more than is typical for him, and didn't eat as much as usual. I started to wonder if he had some kind of stomach bug and with some nudging from my mom, called the pediatrician. They suggested I bring him in, so she saw him that afternoon. Dr. Reddy said she was slightly concerned about the eating/sleeping changes but thought the eating and vomit could be related to his reflux and both could have changed because he has gained more weight. He is up to 9 lbs 9 oz so he could be sleeping more because of that and his zantac could possibly need to be increased now that he has gained weight. So, I went home with an uncreased dose for his zantac and directions to call back if he developed a fever or had any changes in behavior.

Thursday night Nate again sleept another four hour stint and then 3 more hours and I am feeling pretty good about it. Then after his feeding around 8:00 he went to sleep only having nursed from one side. Not like him. When he woke up for his next feeding, he seemed okay but as I was nursing him I realized he felt pretty warm. I stripped him down, changed his diaper and then took his temperature under his arm. It read 99.0 and I knew you are supposed to add about a degree when you take it under the arm so I call Kaiser. The advice nurse suggested a phone appointment for that afternoon and said to call back if his temp goes above 99.4 underarm or if he has any changes in behavior. About an hour later, Nate is in my arms relatively calm and suddenly lets out this high-pitched shriek like I have never heard before, tenses his whole body, and both of his eyes shoot over to the right. I called his name a few times and he did not look or react. Then he relaxed and stared looking toward me, but did not fix on me right away. His eyes rolled around and went cross eyed and eventually locked on me. Then he cried. I calmed him down after a few minutes and then he seemed happier than he had all day. Then I totally freaked out because I have seen kids have seizures that look exactly like that. I called Kaiser back and they recommended bringing him directly to the ER to check for febrile seizures.

Driving over I was thinking I am probably completely over reacting because of the kids I work with and it is probably all GI related and he just got a sharp gas pain or something. I figured they would look at him, run some labs, and we would be sent home as over reactive first time parents. John met me there and as the ER doctors are taking the history I can tell they are concerned. They suggested starting him on IV antibiotics in case there is an infection and drawing labs and urine (which requires a catheter since he can't pee in a cup). They then tell us they really feel they need to do a spinal tap as well to check for meningitis. I have two Barbaras warring in my head because one is thinking of the kids I have worked with who had permanent brain damage from not receiving treatment early for meningitis and the other saying you are putting your son through all of this for what most parents would have thought was weird but dismissed without even calling the doctor. In the end John (who met us there)and I decide that it is really better to err on the side of being overcautious since the painful procedures are only for a very brief time and if on the off chance there is something and we miss it, it is permanent damage or even death.

Nate was a trooper and the ER staff did not indicate if we were being admitted or not until we directly asked. Then they told us the plan was to admit him for observation. Both of us assumed that meant overnight. We got put in a teeny half room with another 6 week old who screams all the time and one sleeper chair. John went home and picked up clothes and toiletries for a day. None of us slept well (Nate included) and after talking to the doctor this morning, we realized that "observation" is for at least 48 hours. Then the neurologist examined him and said he was pretty convinced it was just a reflux incident but because the eye movement was a little odd, he wanted to order an EEG and MRI. After talking to the nurse, we realized this means that we will not be leaving the hospital until Monday.

I feel awful because I feel like I am putting my son (and us) through all this for what the neurologist described as a one percent chance there is something wrong. Poor Nate has in IV pumping hardcore antibiotics through him and electrodes with wires stuck all over him. He's not sleeping and we're not sleeping so all of us are just generally miserable for what is probably no good reason. I want to scoop him up and take him home but the doctors and nurses keep saying it is better to make sure and I know some part of me admits that is true.

Nate needs to eat and John needs to set up a way to watch the US soccer game, so I will update more later.