Big Day

I am scheduled for an induction tomorrow AM at 7:30. I have to admit I have some mixed feelings about this. On the one hand I am very excited to meet our baby. I have spent a lot of time wondering who the baby will look like, how big the baby is, what the baby's personality is going to be like, a million different thoughts. Now very soon we will be meeting and getting to know this little person that we created. That kind of blows my mind and is the part that I am super happy and excited about. It is actually a little surreal. Then there is the process of getting to that point. I felt pretty comfortable and confident about the labor and delivery. I read books on natural child birth, wrote up a birth plan, took childbirth preparation classes, learned and practiced breathing techniques and yoga positions to help with the pain, researched the resources at the hospital, and probably even more I'm not thinking of right now. When they first started talking about an induction, everyone said not to worry because there was no way I would make it until then anyway so I pushed it out of my head as much as I could and tried to stay positive. Now that we are staring at an induction in less than 12 hours, I am feeling a whole lot less confident. Statistically, inductions have a lot more complications- some of which are pretty scary. Also, because babies don't always tolerate induced labor, moms are hooked up to continuous fetal monitoring. This means not only will the contractions be stronger and faster than what my body would do naturally (making the labor a lot worse), but I will probably not be able to get out of bed. That means my birth plan goes out the window and most of the techniques I have been practicing and planning on using will not be possible. In fact, almost no one who has an induction tolerates labor without an epidural. I know in the end all that matters is that the baby and I are okay and I know that my doctor is recommending the induction for good reasons but it doesn't change the fact that I am upset about the process and disappointed I can't try it the way I wanted. I was okay with the fact that things might not go that well and that I might change my mind about medication but not having the option to try it the way I want is a whole other thing. I don't like the loss of control and I am just disappointed the process won't be what I wanted. Some people keep telling me about how their inductions were fine and etc but it doesn't really make me feel better. It's not how I wanted it to go and I have tried explaining that I am excited and happy about the outcome but still disappointed, upset, and scared about the process. I think that is a valid way to feel. So that's where we are right now. I am reminding myself that this is the best thing for the baby and in the end that is the most important thing so I need to just focus on that. Hopefully everything goes as smoothly as possible and I will be posting a birth announcement soon!